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I didn't even know. It's not like Anton loved me. It's not like he ever even hinted that he might. He'd explicitly said he didn't want a wife to love.
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And yet I'd allowed myself to hope, all the same, that our marriage might be something more than just a convenient arrangement. My stupid, dumb, hopelessly romantic heart had told me to hope, and I'd foolishly listened to it. Sadie was right. I was stupid.
The sound of a door opening next to me startled me, and I quickly tried to wipe my tears away and pretend that some other girl covered in snot with a face like a tomato had been wailing like a banshee. It couldn't be me. I would never do anything like that. My next door neighbor, Mrs. Andersen, stuck her head out into the hallway and glared at me.
She gave an exasperated sigh. Good old Mrs. I could always count on her to not care. It was comforting. It sounded inane even to my ears, because no one was going to bray like a wounded cow just because they were locked out of their apartment, but I wasn't about to explain myself to Mrs.
She could just go on believing I was the worst neighbor in the world. And I probably was. I'd had the audacity to come back after moving out and leaving her with peace and quiet. The fact that I was going to be staying—given that I could get in, of course—would probably put a huge crimp in her day.
What can I do to prevent this in the future?
She fixed me with her beady old-lady eyes. I nodded. She sighed again and slammed her door.
I pulled my knees up to my chest and put my cheek on them, trying to get back in the crying groove. I may hate crying, but getting interrupted when you're having a good cry is the worst. I'd had a good head of steam going, probably on the brink of losing my mind with sorrow and rending my clothes, and now I'd been cut off at the pass.
I shivered in the cold hallway and closed my eyes, exhaustion sweeping over me. Andersen opened her door again and it was my turn to sigh with exasperation, but before I could passive-aggressively comment on how I wanted to be alone with my grief, thank you, she stomped over to me. For a moment I thought about not doing it, but then I realized that since I had no plans, going along with whatever Mrs.
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