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We even use love as an action, as a force to keep our relationships with partners, or friends and family, together. Storage : natural affection Philia : friendship Eros : sexual and erotica Agape : unconditional, divine love Ludus : flirting Pragma : committed, married love Philautia : self love. The reason being that the majority of us find fulfillment through the comfort of a deeply committed and romantic relationship. And so we find ourselves lying awake at night, searching the Internet for an exact definition because our culture creates a need for one—we want to know how others perceive love so we can determine how our love stacks up against that definition.

Or are you?

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How does one know who to believe—thus, as we do in this age, we search the Internet, desperately seeking to know what, exactly, is love. From the scientific point of view, love is a powerful and permanent neurological condition. Take, for example, the difference between lust and love.

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But, when you feel true love, the brain can release a whole set of chemicals, allowing you to experience it in different expressions. We can feel love for our significant others, our parents, friends, children and pets. Some of us direct our love toward God, or celebrities, and we can hold love for our neighbors, country and objects. Love can be blind, misguided, tragic, unconditional, steadfast and inconsistent. It takes on many different variants, yet, at its best, love is a passionate commitment that we constantly work to develop and nurture.

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When you take away the aspect of commitment, love is infatuation. Lastly, when all is said and done, love is also about compatibility. When you break down and analyze different relationships, one of the key factors is how compatible two partners are.

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When you share the same values, likes and dislikes, interests, political or philosophical views with someone you are much more likely to be compatible and thus, are more likely to fall in love. That study reported that male fruit flies that were sexually rejected drank four times as much alcohol as fruit flies that mated with female fruit flies.

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Other chemicals at work during romantic love are oxytocin and vasopressin, hormones that have roles in pregnancy, nursing, and mother-infant attachment. Released during sex and heightened by skin-to-skin contact, oxytocin deepens feelings of attachment and makes couples feel closer to one another after having sex.

Oxytocin, known also as the love hormone, provokes feelings of contentment, calmness, and security, which are often associated with mate bonding. Vasopressin is linked to behavior that produces long-term, monogamous relationships.

The Need For A Definition

The differences in behavior associated with the actions of the two hormones may explain why passionate love fades as attachment grows. In addition to the positive feelings romance brings, love also deactivates the neural pathway responsible for negative emotions, such as fear and social judgment. These positive and negative feelings involve two neurological pathways. The one linked with positive emotions connects the prefrontal cortex to the nucleus accumbens, while the other, which is linked with negative emotions, connects the nucleus accumbens to the amygdala. When we are engaged in romantic love, the neural machinery responsible for making critical assessments of other people, including assessments of those with whom we are romantically involved, shuts down.

If love lasts, this rollercoaster of emotions, and, sometimes, angst, calms within one or two years, said Schwartz. Cortisol and serotonin levels return to normal.

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Love, which began as a stressor to our brains and bodies, at least , becomes a buffer against stress. Brain areas associated with reward and pleasure are still activated as loving relationships proceed, but the constant craving and desire that are inherent in romantic love often lessen. Many theories of love, said Schwartz and Olds, propose that there is an inevitable change over time from passionate love to what is typically called compassionate love—love that is deep but not as euphoric as that experienced during the early stages of romance.

That does not, however, mean that the spark of romance is quenched for long-married couples. A study conducted at Stony Brook University in New York state found that it is possible to be madly in love with someone after decades of marriage. The research team, which included Fisher, performed MRI scans on couples who had been married an average of 21 years. They found the same intensity of activity in dopamine-rich areas of the brains as found in the brains of couples who were newly in love. The study suggested that the excitement of romance can remain while the apprehension is lost.